I haven’t really used this space to rant about something yet.  The one thing the internet doesn’t need more of is somebody complaining about stuff.  Unless it’s mildly funny.

The topic is air.  Specifically, compressed air and its availability at gas stations.

Compressed air was once available at your neighborhood gas station for free.  Any kid could roll up on their bike and tighten up their tires at no cost because the gas station made its money selling, you know, gasoline (and Slurpees.)

Then someone decided they could monetize that service.  Now almost every one makes you pay.  In coins.  Nothing says “progress” like plugging metal disks into a machine.  It works like this:  First, find one that works.  I am not exaggerating at all when I say I saw 6 air machines today with one of these hand drawn signs taped to it.

“Sorry, try the next place.”

Now assuming the machine isn’t blocked by a parked car where a couple scuzzy looking dudes are smoking cigarettes, you can begin to dig around your vehicle for coinage.  Quarters only though; it’s high rollers only at the air pump.  They’re not going to waste their time on measly dimes or, god-forbid, nickels.  Once fed into the air machine, a timer of unknown length starts immediately.  Precious seconds now tick away because no one remembers to take off the first valve cover beforehand.  We are too busy making doubly sure we’re not accidentally feeding quarters into the vacuum cleaner which is on the same unit for some reason.

It’s finally time to top off those tires.  This is usually the point where you notices that the end of the hose that attaches to the valve stem is broken and/or missing.  Another satisfied customer!

Finally you go back to that one crappy looking gas station you passed over in your search earlier and discover they’ve still got free air.  And it’s even functional.  Ha, ha suckers!  They’re missing out on some serious coin!

-reporting from exit 191 of I-25